Monday, September 3, 2012


For over a year, I've worked as a cashier at the local Fareway grocery store. It's a classy place, kept cool in the summer and moderately warm in the winter. There are some pretty legit people that work there. We specialize in customer service, that means yes, I WILL take that one bag out to your car in the pouring rain so that you can comfortably carry your umbrella. Yes, you're welcome.
While Fareway is a pretty decent gig, with honest wages and do-able shifts, the following is my list of cashier problems. The things that make our days go that much slower. Enjoy.
  • "Hi there, did you find everything alright today?" "Oh yes, I think i found a little too much!" I hear 200 times a day. 
  • Getting dirty looks when I use the counterfeit marker to see if your 100 dollar bill is legit.
  • When people pretty much rape the credit card machine with how violently they slide those things. Take it easy.
  • When people thrust random items at you from their cart when you already have mapped out what you were going to grab. You are throwing me off bro, have fun with your toothpaste flavored bananas and your melted ice cream because you wouldn't let me do it right.
  • I did not put the price on those crackers you are so upset about sir, I just work here. 
  • When people write a check for under 5 dollars. Like why. 
  • "Hi how is your day going?" "Oh not too good, my cat died and I broke my finger nail.." NO. You are supposed to say, "Good, how about you?"
  • No, we don't sell cold beer, buy a 12 pack at room temp, stick it in the fridge and be patient.  
  • You want 50 dollars cash back? Go to the bank or be happy with getting it all back in 5's. 
  • Match ads. Smart shoppers utilize that we honor them. But your cashier simply will not like you. 
  • Extreme-couponers, you have got to be kidding me.
  • Being on the phone while I'm checking you out is bad enough, but that one guy who was on speaker phone? If anyone knows where he lives I'd love to egg my first house.
  • I facepalm so hard when parents give in to their whiny kids begging for ring pops. You are raising brats.
  • When an item doesn't scan and the customer says,"That means it's free right?" Haha no. "Can I get a price check?"     
  • Surprisingly enough, I don't enjoy hearing about what a lovely day it is outside. That's rude. Please don't rub it in.
  • Old people, I love you to death, but when you "just think you might have that 3 dollars and .98 cents in your coin purse" and proceed to count it out one by one? I would rather stick pins in my eyes.
  • "Ma'am, I can help you down here if you're ready." .... Blank stare. "Ma'am?" .."Oh yes! I'm sorry I just spaced out a little bit!" Yeah I know, it was creepy. 
  • "Do you know your pin?" As the machines way to ask people if they want debit or credit will forever be ridiculous and hilarious to all who use it.

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